Friday, September 11, 2009

The Little Rewards

I am married with two kids. I can say that I am really proud that I have such vibrant kids... full of wonders in bundles. They are 5 and 6 years old, both are good readers and performers in school. Modesty aside, my children give me much pride and honor to be their mother, although at times, I feel that I still need to give them more, that they deserve more of what I am currently giving them.

My two kids are my source of strength and inspiration. They are God's gifts to me. And I promised Him that I will raise them up to be what He wants them to be. And so no matter how hard it would be to make them live like good Christians and live a Christian life, I will do my best.

Yet at times, I feel so alone with this vision and I would like to think that I have somebody to help me with this rewarding task. The person that I am counting on to be with me on this, is the person who would let you down, and this person will never realize how important it is for me to see my kids be at their best. So sad that the little rewards that I long to see as another inspiration for me to carry the burden of survival despite of this person's inadequacies in the end, would find the guts to tell me, "did you ever say sorry when you disappoint me at times?"

But the wow of this situation is this...

First, I am seeing myself as someone who can stand up on my own, and might make it without this person.

Second, if I do find the courage to leave this person, I might give what is ample to my kids.

Third, I have my family to support me no matter what.

But then, it is never a wow to be in a broken family, in a broken marriage. It never is. I am an advocate of strong families, for this is what the Lord want us to build. I strongly believe that my family is a Christian family, founded by God. I just hope and pray that these thoughts of mine will not push through... while I can still hold on to what we have promised to each other.

That is the wow of it. Keeping the faith alive even in impossibilities.

The little rewards that I have is that God helps me to raise my kids to be their best, and everyday I realize how miraculous it is to have such wonderful bundles. I am praying that my decisions will not ruin my little miracles' life.